2018

So today is January 1, 2018.  It is interesting that everyone thinks a new year is a new start.  In reality it is just another day.  Don't get me wrong it is a day in time that you can say lets do this....and start a plan.  The problem is you can chose any day to start a plan but if you don't follow thru then what good was the plan?  This is my problem every year.  EVERY YEAR!  So how do you get out of this constant struggle?  

Don't make a plan?  That doesn't seem very smart. 

Make a plan and then make a plan to stay on plan?  Who is planning this? and what plan should I stick to?

Make a plan...tell everyone you know and then stick to the plan because you don't want to let people down?

UGH.  All of this makes me very anxious and sends my anxiety thru the roof.  So I like an idea a friend of mine started.  What is your "word" for the year?  I really thought about my life and realize that I struggle with change and worrying about if I let someone else down.  In reality I am just letting myself down and then this vicious cycle starts over again.  So my word for the year is BRAVE.  I want to BRAVE in everything I do.  I find myself not standing up for myself, worried about what others think or say about me, scared of change, and scared to love/let people in.  I want to live and not have regrets.  I want to teach my kids that is ok to be different and to be seen but at the end of the day you have to love yourself no matter what your faults are.  I want to let up on my controlling tendencies and let others lead the pack.  I want to be happy and if I am happy and people see it then others will be happy to be around me also.

BRAVE!!!!  is a such a strong word but it means so much.  I also have to be BRAVE to see my faults and what I need to work on.  My health is number one on my list.  I am not going to be wrapped up in the scale but I just checked and I am the heaviest I have ever been.  I just want to treat my body like a temple...will I screw up and fall off the rails?  Yes.  But I will have to be BRAVE to say that is ok and start again.

BRAVE

Who am I?

My name is Jennifer and I am from the Midwest.  I have decided to start this blog because I feel I have  lived and continue to live thru some life lessons that have and will continue to shape my life.  I feel others can relate and hopefully not feel alone.

I am a mother to two boys.  They are twenty two parts and will be 12 and 10 in 2017.  My soon to be 10 year old is a typical child.  My soon to be 12 year old has verbal and motor apraxia.  He also struggles with anxiety disorder.

I am a wife to a loving disable husband.  We will celebrate 15 years in June.  Failed back surgeries are the cause of his disabilities and other health issues have come from this disability.

I am from a small town in the Midwest.  Grew up with my mother and brother.  My biological father was not in the picture really since I was four due to his own demons.

Life has not been easy but has been rewarding.  I have gone thru growing up in a single parent home, high school track athlete, scholarship division one college athlete, being the first to graduate college in my family, spouse becoming disabled, infertility, PCOS, bread winner, life changing decisions, obesity and having a child with disabilities.   I continue to deal with self doubt/worth.

This is going to be an outlet of my daily struggles and life stories/lessons.

Every day is a tornado in my life and every day I wake up thanking God for another day.

/jvl